Thursday, May 6, 2010

The Worst Good News I Could Have Gotten

About an hour ago I called to dr's office to check on my thyroid results since I hadn't heard anything yet. Of course they came back as normal. I almost burst into tears on the phone with the nurse. I was so counting on my thyroid being off, getting my meds adjusted and starting to feel human again. I told the nurse that I had been feeling like it was off and now she wants me to come in to the office to talk to the doctor. There are other things that can make me feel as crappy, she said. Vitamin D maybe? I have a feeling that he'll bring up fibromyalgia again. I'm almost ready to try the anti-depressants. I just want to feel awake. I want to stop feeling like I'm in pain all the time. I want to have enough energy to even freakin' vacuum my living room.

The Man and I had a fight about money this morning. That makes me even more upset about going home and telling him that my thyroid's fine and the doctor wants to see me. We don't have the money for that and it's going to stress him out more which will in turn stress me out more. Of course.

All I want to do right now is close up The Shop, go home and curl up with the sheets over my head. I want to not deal with responsibility for like, at least a week. No dogs, no making dinner, no laundry, no Shop. Geeze. How immature am I being?

It's not like I'm just looking for an easy way out. It's hard to explain how I feel all the time. I wake up in the morning already tired. My whole body aches. My hands and feet almost always feel like I'm wearing gloves and shoes that are a half a size too small. I hurt and that makes me cranky. I have a short fuse more times than not. I get irritated and yell at freakin' inanimate objects for heavens sake!


So much for Thankful freakin' Thursday. Doesn't exist this week. Oh, and to top off my marvelous day, we lost the power at the house this morning. It better be back on by the time I get home or I may just have a breakdown.

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