This is my life right now...

In past posts I've never really said what we sell at The Shop. For this I'm going to have to so you can understand the sheer STUPIDITY I deal with on a regular basis. I hate working retail and if it wasn't for The Man and it being his shop, I would never be doing this. But it's for my family and I'll continue for as long as need be.

Anyway. The Shop is a higher end surf shop. We also sell skateboards, long and short, guitars and ukuleles. Also a LOT of beach-y crap just to pay the bills.)

This is what I deal with on a daily basis...

"I'm going to go hang out on the beach. What do I need? Do people buy chairs? Umbrellas?"

Same guy, "How do these umbrellas work? I just stick it in the sand?"

"There's no surf here!" (Idiot. I surf all the time.)

"The other person yesterday told me this surfboard was a hundred dollars cheaper." (I'm the only one there Monday through Friday. This was said on a Thursday.)

"Is it hard to surf?"

"Is it hard to skateboard?"

"Is it hard to play guitar?"

"Is it hard to play ukulele?"

"Is it hard to boogie board?" (I swear someone asked me this. FOUR YEAR OLDS BOOGIE BOARD.)

A guy RUNS into The Shop, RUNS up to me behind the counter and practically shouts, "DO YOU HAVE FLIP FLOPS!?" Stunned, I just point literally two feet behind him to our giant rack of flops he just passed by.

"Are these Oakleys rip offs?"

"Are these Reef Brazils rip offs?" (And even if they were, which they're NOT, we're official dealers, who would answer, "Yep."?)

"Is your dog dangerous?" (Would I have her hanging out in here where babies wander around if my 16 lb Boston Terrier was dangerous?)

While looking straight at my CASH ONLY sign. "Do you take credit cards? No? What about debit cards then?"

"Cash only!? You can't run a business like that!" (Oh yeah? We've been in business since 1987. What do you have to say about that, Slick?)

"Is this your best price?"

"Since I'm paying cash, I don't have to pay the taxes, right?"

"If I buy two of these I'll get a deal, right?" (Usually said when trying to buy two $5 beach toys. Come back and talk to me about getting a deal when you want to buy two $1000 surfboards.)

"These are outrageously expensive!" (Said about above mentioned surfboards. They're hand made in America. Want cheap? Check out some Chinese made shit elsewhere.)

"I can't believe how cold the water is!" (You're in Maine. Put on a wetsuit.)

"This tag says $52 but will you take $20 if I buy it right now?"

"This surfboard says $799 but I'll give you $500 CASH in your HAND right NOW." And usually then he looks all proud of himself. Can't understand when I say, "Nope."

Most of the time I pretend I have no power to change prices and oh bummer, I can't call the owner right now. Or I'll "text" him and oh bummer, he's not replying. Guess that means 'no' to your incredible deal. How will I continue to live?

Why does a Mom & Pop store that actually has to make money to survive bring out everyone's inner bargainer? I'm not running a Bazaar. Just because the price tag is hand written doesn't mean it's negotiable. Do you haggle over your can of peas with the Wal-Mart cashier?

BUGGER OFF.